“Sailors stuck at sea would get desperate for female companionship. It got so bad that eventually the manatees out in the water started to look like beautiful women: Mermaids. You see, every woman, no matter how initially repugnant, has a Mermaid Clock, the time it takes for you to realize you want to bone her. Sure, today you see Iris as a manatee, but she ain’t going to stay that way.

Once Mermaidified, there’s only one way a woman can go back to being unattractive: Pregnancy. However, a pregnant woman who’s become a manatee can become a mermaid again through one simple act: Breastfeeding.” – Barney Stinson

That my friend, is the Mermaid Theory. It’s basically a theory that all men will eventually want to sleep with a woman no matter how initially repugnant or unattractive she is. Popularized by Neil Patrick Harris’ epic character Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother, it’s another one of those hilarious theories the writers have come up with that actually makes a lot of sense.

I never really paid too much attention to it until now, but I realized that the main chunk of the Mermaid Theory is much like a variation of my belief that the more time you spend with someone, the more beautiful and likable they become. If I’m making any sense at all, the time you spend with someone is a Mermaid Clock in itself.  And although I wouldn’t suddenly have an overwhelming urge and think “DAMN, I got to tap that fine ass ASAP!” when the clock strikes twelve, I have fallen for girls that I talked to and saw frequently.

The second part of the theory talks about how a mermaid reverts back to a manatee through pregnancy. That too makes a lot of sense if you think about it. Now I’m not saying that all pregnant women are unattractive, but when their tits start to sag and they start to grow a giant balloon belly, it’s not exactly ideal. I mean unless you’re the type of guy that would be all over making love to a human version of Jabba the Hutt, or had on multiple beer goggles.

So whether or not you had some laughs or revelations from the Mermaid Theory today, you may want to check out the other various theories from the show such as the Hot and Crazy Scale as well as the Naked Man. They too will cause your genitals to swell up with excitement. And not from manatees.

Tags: Theory
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This photo had been lying on my dresser for a while. It was one of the photos I was going to use for my baby portrait for the grad section of the yearbook. The other day, I took a closer look at it when I noticed something. One of the gifts I got that year was a lego block table, something that was a big part of my childhood.

When I was a child, I was fascinated by lego. I could make anything and everything out of it. And as I remember it, it was my only creative outlet. Sure, I did some drawing too, but nothing could compare to the sheer fun of sticking together lego blocks, and making some crazy house or castle. Since lego was essentially my best friend, that table was a blessing. I spent countless hours building things on that table to the point that I probably used it more than my bed. The table was my canvas, and lego was my paintbrush.

Now for those who may be wondering what a lego block table is, if you were to imagine a yellow plastic table with a lego baseplate on the surface, then you would have my trusty block table. It also had a place where I could store all the lego pieces, so I wouldn’t have to go digging in the bucket. Yes, my parents loved me so much that they wanted to spare me all that trouble. Maybe.

My block table wasn’t just used for lego though. It was an exceptionally versatile table because well, it was still a table. I can still remember some of the times where I used it as a surface to eat, write, draw, etc. I think at the time, I was just so attached to it that I wanted to do everything on it. Pretty normal for a kid growing up I guess.

As I got older, lego started to lose its appeal. I started opting to watch television, hop on the computer, play video games, etc. I gradually dropped my love for it until I no longer had any sort of affiliation with it. As that happened, the table started losing its importance as well. From being my deluxe workstation, the table eventually became that random space hogging piece of shit. So like most things that become “useless”, it got thrown out. Who knows where it is now. All I know is that I miss it. What a shame, huh?

It’s true when they say that a picture is worth more than a thousand words.

Tags: Childhood, Lego
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I Give My First Love to You

Takuma Kakunouchi (portrayed by Masaki Okada) is diagnosed at a young age with a rare heart condition that will only allow him to live up to 20. Having been in love with his best friend Mayu Taneda (portrayed by Mao Inoue) since they were little, he feels the need to push her away as his time winds down, all the while knowing of the promise they both made as kids to get married.

Although the title of the movie is very cheesy and screams Asian, I Give My First Love to You is actually a really touching movie. It was one of those rarities where I was able to connect to the story, and I’ll admit it, I did cry at certain points. It was that fucking good. I started tearing up just ten minutes in, and I don’t cry that easily.

Since the movie is about first love, I really liked how it opened up with Takuma and Mayu as little kids. It’s only fitting, right? And after watching it, I felt that the movie depicted first love perfectly. Seeing bits and pieces of their relationship from childhood through to high school was amazing. Their relationship was so tight that being further apart only brought them closer together. Not all first loves work out, yet the relationship between the two explores the boundaries and limits of that as well as what one could call true love.

Another subject explored in the movie was death. No one wants to die when they’re 20, Takuma included. Yet throughout the entire movie, the optimism and positivity that he shows, and the courage within him is so inspiring to see, especially since everyone around him knows the inevitable (very reminiscent of the late Randy Pausch).

This movie is one of the most heartwarming one that I’ve seen in a while. The screenplay, the acting, the soundtrack, everything was there. And whenever a movie gets me emotionally like this one did, it means I’ve truly connected to the story and the characters. For me, that takes the cake.

Rating:
10/10

My Rainy Days (Tenshi no Koi)

Adopted from one of the the ever so popular cell phone novels taking Japan by storm, My Rainy Days is a movie that stars Nozomi Sasaki as Rio Ozawa, a beautiful 17 year old high school student that operates a high school prostitution ring. While Rio seems to be as genuine as they come, her traumatic past has caused her to not care about anyone to the point where she secretly exploits her friends for money. Or at least until she meets Kouki Ozawa (portrayed by Shosuke Tanihara), a 35 year old college professor by chance. Instantly attracted to Kouki, Rio actively pursues him, while at the same time is confused by the unfamiliar feelings of love. And although Kouki wants to reciprocate his feelings to her, his days are numbered due to his malignant brain tumor.

My Rainy Days is an interesting movie to say the least. The first half hour of the movie illustrated Japan’s compensated dating (a form of prostitution) industry with Rio leading her high school’s “ring”. It was a great look into one part of modern day Japan as it somewhat laid the foundations for the more traditional premises of typical romantic dramas.

The movie explores a broad variety of subjects. For starters, the forementioned compensated dating. And of course, the forbidden land of student-teacher relationships. Then there’s also rape, suicide, and abortions, which really isn’t something you throw in a movie unless you have a strong message (which this movie lacked in the end). I felt the movie could’ve definitely been just as good without the latter for they didn’t seem to fit anywhere, and created very questionable subplots.

But with that all said, I still had an okay time watching the movie. There were times where I was lost within the various subplots, but that was likely due to the complexity and depth of some of the characters. One thing that I really liked was despite this being Nozomi Sasaki’s debut in a lead role, I thought she did a great job playing the naive and perky Rio.

I’d only really recommend this movie if you were looking for something a little different, is a fan of Nozomi Sasaki, or you just plain like Japanese girls. Yep.

Rating:
6.5/10

Tags: Asian, Review
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