“Sailors stuck at sea would get desperate for female companionship. It got so bad that eventually the manatees out in the water started to look like beautiful women: Mermaids. You see, every woman, no matter how initially repugnant, has a Mermaid Clock, the time it takes for you to realize you want to bone her. Sure, today you see Iris as a manatee, but she ain’t going to stay that way.

Once Mermaidified, there’s only one way a woman can go back to being unattractive: Pregnancy. However, a pregnant woman who’s become a manatee can become a mermaid again through one simple act: Breastfeeding.” – Barney Stinson

That my friend, is the Mermaid Theory. It’s basically a theory that all men will eventually want to sleep with a woman no matter how initially repugnant or unattractive she is. Popularized by Neil Patrick Harris’ epic character Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother, it’s another one of those hilarious theories the writers have come up with that actually makes a lot of sense.

I never really paid too much attention to it until now, but I realized that the main chunk of the Mermaid Theory is much like a variation of my belief that the more time you spend with someone, the more beautiful and likable they become. If I’m making any sense at all, the time you spend with someone is a Mermaid Clock in itself.  And although I wouldn’t suddenly have an overwhelming urge and think “DAMN, I got to tap that fine ass ASAP!” when the clock strikes twelve, I have fallen for girls that I talked to and saw frequently.

The second part of the theory talks about how a mermaid reverts back to a manatee through pregnancy. That too makes a lot of sense if you think about it. Now I’m not saying that all pregnant women are unattractive, but when their tits start to sag and they start to grow a giant balloon belly, it’s not exactly ideal. I mean unless you’re the type of guy that would be all over making love to a human version of Jabba the Hutt, or had on multiple beer goggles.

So whether or not you had some laughs or revelations from the Mermaid Theory today, you may want to check out the other various theories from the show such as the Hot and Crazy Scale as well as the Naked Man. They too will cause your genitals to swell up with excitement. And not from manatees.

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